a message from parma

No not Parma Ohio, Parma Italia stupid.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

another funny mom-to-be

Thank you Chez Miscarriage for the funny incite,

"Dear precious unborn child:
1. I promise to always introduce myself by my own first name.
2. I promise to invite my female friends over for poker and margaritas on a regular basis, and to laugh unroariously at one another's funny stories until we suddenly notice you standing in the doorway of the kitchen and we nervously ask how much of our conversation you just overheard.
3. I promise to not really make you get breastfed by a goat.

Unless you're being really obnoxious, in which case I just might.

I feel this author has captured the sense of humor needed for momhood. After buying so many books and reading everything on the Internet I am completely overwhelmed with information. Here is hoping that my instincts and reason will serve me well.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

won or lost?

Well its been a hellish few weeks. Illegal lockouts, fraudelent lawsuits, harassment, sure make for an eventful life. I thank god for helpful friends and good lawyers. I am safely back in my hellhole aparment and can stay rent free until Nov.1. Its a bitch but I will have to find new digs with a new baby in tow. I am hoping Z and the powers that be comes through in the end.

As things resume back to "normal" I continue on this pregnancy journey. A few readers have responded with criticism but until you walk in my shoes you cannot even begn to know how I feel. Yes things seem overwhelming and unbearable but I know eventually everything will work itself out.

I just don't get how being pregnant is the most wonderful thing in the world. Its not. I can think of better things. I will spare you the gory details.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The horror and the fear...

So here I am 28 weeks pregnant and not feeling that glowing feeling everyone keeps raving about. I get all the tests that a "high risk" woman over 35 needs but everything physically checks out fine. Mentally, things aren't as wonderful as I guess they should be.

I just keep working, to keep my mind off of things. When I shop and pass by the baby aisle, I briefly glance at things but have no desire to really look. I have not really prepared a room for the arrival and still have not told anyone at my temp job. My agency knows but no one has said anything at the office.

I am not thrilled, or excited just depressed as usual. I really miss my old dosage of Prozac and can't wait until I can have that again. Z is minimally supportive, he did go out and get me ice cream one night, but I can't really get too needy. Its just not my nature. I have been super independent woman most of my adulthood and even during adolescence. The one time I asked Z to go to a prenatal yoga class with me he cancelled at the last minute. What am I going to do about birthing class?

Already I feel that this baby is doomed. She tends to move and kick a lot which I think is a sign that she hates me already. She is already beginning the tradition of depressed angry woman in my family. yeah!

I wonder, what is wrong with me? Why don't I think this is the greatest thing in the world? Every woman yearns to be a mother right? yeah right...