The horror and the fear...

So here I am 28 weeks pregnant and not feeling that glowing feeling everyone keeps raving about. I get all the tests that a "high risk" woman over 35 needs but everything physically checks out fine. Mentally, things aren't as wonderful as I guess they should be.

I just keep working, to keep my mind off of things. When I shop and pass by the baby aisle, I briefly glance at things but have no desire to really look. I have not really prepared a room for the arrival and still have not told anyone at my temp job. My agency knows but no one has said anything at the office.

I am not thrilled, or excited just depressed as usual. I really miss my old dosage of Prozac and can't wait until I can have that again. Z is minimally supportive, he did go out and get me ice cream one night, but I can't really get too needy. Its just not my nature. I have been super independent woman most of my adulthood and even during adolescence. The one time I asked Z to go to a prenatal yoga class with me he cancelled at the last minute. What am I going to do about birthing class?

Already I feel that this baby is doomed. She tends to move and kick a lot which I think is a sign that she hates me already. She is already beginning the tradition of depressed angry woman in my family. yeah!

I wonder, what is wrong with me? Why don't I think this is the greatest thing in the world? Every woman yearns to be a mother right? yeah right...